The Sacred Unlearning

How I Stopped Performing Healing and Started Living It

There was a time when I mistook fear for truth. When shame felt holy. When I thought following the rules meant I was doing life “right.” And questioning those rules?

Meant I was broken. Rebellious. Damaged. Because that’s what we were taught, right?

“Fear God.” “Don’t question authority.” “Get a good, reputable job... even if the company lacks integrity.” “Stay small, stay silent, stay agreeable...and you’ll be safe.”

But I don’t believe we’re meant to fear God. We’re meant to love God. To feel God. To walk with God, not hide from Him.

I don’t believe success is slaving away at a 9–5 that crushes your soul just to keep up appearances. And I sure as hell don’t believe the news or social media gets to decide what I should fear, how I should live, or what my truth is.

But I didn’t always know that. There was a time I swallowed every bit of it and called it “wisdom.” Because that’s what the world around me called it.

Meeting My Shadow

The unraveling didn’t happen all at once. It started with small moments of discomfort. Triggers I couldn’t explain. Patterns I kept repeating. Relationships that mirrored back parts of me I was trying to hide.

Shadow work found me when I was tired of pretending I was “fine.” When I realized I was performing healing instead of actually feeling.

The concept of the shadow felt both terrifying and relieving. Terrifying because I had to face myself…Not the curated version, Not the people-pleasing one, but the part of me that was rageful, resentful, insecure, manipulative, afraid.

Relieving because it meant I wasn’t evil…I was human. And all of me was worthy of compassion.

I started reading books. One that cracked something open in me was Shadow Work: A Spiritual Path to Healing and Integration by Michelle Wadleigh (highly recommend). It didn’t just tell me how to be “better,” it told me I didn’t have to be perfect to be whole.

And once I started looking inward, I couldn’t stop.

🧘 Meditation Entered the Chat

At first, it was simple. Just guided meditations on YouTube while I laid on the floor, desperate to feel something other than numbness or anxiety.

But then something started to shift. I felt… calmer. Not “healed” but different. More aware. Less reactive (something 22 years of talk-therapy couldn't teach me).

And of course, my curious brain kicked in. I needed to know why meditation worked.

So I fell down the rabbit hole of research: Brain scans. Neuroplasticity. The prefrontal cortex lighting up. Cortisol dropping. Emotional regulation increasing.

I became borderline obsessed with what science was proving about something ancient. It wasn’t just spiritual fluff... it was biology, energy, and wiring.

Meditation became the tool that led me into stillness. And that stillness became the mirror that showed me my shadow. Once I faced it, it lost its power… but not its presence.

The Studying That Set Me Free

I wasn’t studying to become a coach. I wasn’t even studying to survive.

I was studying to understand.

To understand truth. To understand how the brain actually works. Why we do what we do. How our nervous system holds onto trauma. How beliefs shape our entire reality.

I didn’t want another surface-level self-help trick. I wanted root-level truth.

And that curiosity led me deeper:

• Into the science behind meditation

• The neuroscience of change

• The patterns of the subconscious mind

• And eventually… into the spiritual side of healing

The messages beneath the miracles. The real essence of what Jesus came here to teach... before religion got in the way.

Because the more I studied…The more I realized Jesus wasn’t here to start a new religion. He wasn’t here to create a club with rules, shame, and fear.

He was here to show us what’s possible. To remind us of the power within. To embody unconditional love, inner stillness, and divine connection.

That truth hit me deeper than I could comprehend at the time.

And along the way, I found voices that mirrored my evolution:

• Louise Hay — who helped me understand that every symptom in the body is a message from the mind… and that healing begins with how we speak to ourselves.

• Dr. Joe Dispenza — who cracked open the connection between brain, body, and soul… and showed me that transformation is not only possible, it’s measurable.

• The Bible — not as fear-based doctrine this time, but as a layered, symbolic map. I read it with new eyes, a softened heart, and zero fear of going to hell for asking questions.

I started seeking resonance. If it lit something up in me.. I followed it. If it made me shrink, feel judged, or disconnect from my body... I let it go, giving zero f*cks if my choice made someone else uncomfortable.

I realized I didn’t need permission to evolve.

I needed courage to let go of who I was told I should be.

The Tools I Activated Within

This is the part no one taught me growing up.

Not church. Not school. Not society.

No one taught me how to:

• Sit still and breathe through a panic attack

• Witness a thought without becoming it

• Re-parent the inner child screaming for safety

• Listen to the whisper beneath the noise

• Trust the knowing in my gut instead of outsourcing my truth

I found these tools by trial, tears, and intuition:

Meditation softened the chaos and helped me become aware

Journaling turned confusion into clarity

Breathwork + somatic work anchored me back into the wisdom of my body

Silence became a sanctuary instead of something to fill

Spiritual connection stopped feeling like fear-based worship and started feeling like love

Breaking Up with Fear

Fear used to rule everything:

• Fear of sin

• Fear of rejection

• Fear of failure

• Fear of not being “Christian enough” or “good enough”

• Fear of being too much and not enough at the same time

But here's the truth:

Fear is a hell of a control tactic. It keeps people obedient. Small. Scared. Dependent on systems that profit from their suffering.

So I started asking:

• “Who benefits from me being afraid of my own intuition?”

• “Who gains when I distrust my body, my voice, my wisdom?”

• “Who profits when I stay quiet, polite, and ashamed?”

And I decided:

No more. No more shrinking. No more blind obedience. No more mistaking fear for faith.

The Return to Me

What I’ve learned is this:

Healing isn’t a straight line.

It’s a spiral. A shedding. A sacred remembering.

I still get triggered. I still feel fear.

But I don’t live from that place anymore.

I live from my knowing. My connection. My soul.

And the version of me I’ve become?

She’s not perfect. She’s freaking powerful.

I’m not the coach on a stage with a script. I’m not here to flash results or feed you fluff.

I’m the guide who’s lived it.

Who’s cried on the floor, questioned everything, cracked open and rebuilt...again and again. With more clarity, experience, and soul-truth each time.

This isn’t just a career. It’s a way of life.

I didn’t just study the work...

I became it.

And now?

My purpose, my passion, and my intuition are IGNITED AF.

If you’re ready to reclaim your power, to remember who you are beneath the fear, and to walk in your truth unapologetically!!

I’m here.

This isn’t performance.

This is soul work.

And it’s sacred.

If you're feeling called to work with me...

Book a Session

Join a Workshop

Reach Out

I would be honored to walk with you!

With love and fire,

Michele